Hug a Vegetarian

Its time, I have to do this. 
We have been vegetarians for about five years, but not 100% vegetarians because we do sometimes (very rare occasion) eat fish if we go somewhere where there really isn't anything for us to eat. But this year I have decided that I will be a true vegetarian. No more fish! If I am in place that has nothing I can eat then I’m leaving.

Not vegan but vegetarian by choice - so here are my rules or what ever you want to call them for dining with a vegetarian - 

1. Vegetarians eat a PLANT based diet.
2. We do not eat anything that has a face or a mother. NO chicken is not ok and NO fish is not ok either. If I have just said I’m vegetarian sea food is also a no no. 
3. Where do we get out protein? Do some research; use google if you have to, read the ingredients in the package of any food item you buy and you will see how many carbohydrates, fat and protein it contains. You don’t just find protein in meat, so relax and eat a peanut! We have plenty of protein. 
4. I am not vegetarian just because I feel sorry for animals being slaughtered. There could be lots of other very good reasons for not eating meat. So please don’t tell me that tomatoes also cry and bleed when they are being sliced, that's just corny.
5. Vegetarians are not spartans from some ancient BC civilization that only eat raw unwashed carrots.
6. "So what do you eat?" I hate that question, especially when people say: "you Portuguese and you don't eat chicken or prawns?" No Shit Sherlock! Do I have to eat something to be classified a certain nationality? I eat: chickpeas, lentils, lasagna, pies, tofu, potatoes, broccoli, quiche, soya, pizza, beans, aubergine, hamburgers, bobotie, sausages, olives, corn, stews, curries, pasta, roasts, wraps, tortillas, minestrone, salads, hummus, pesto, risotto, artichokes, mushrooms, beetroot...should I go on? So tell me what do YOU eat?
7. Learn a little bit of biology. I don't know what to do with people that claim to be intelligent human beings and think that a slice of cold meat (ham) is not meat. Or worse when ordering breakfast and the waiter says they can replace mutton sausage for bacon! Of course bacon comes from trees! Duh! And it really bugs me when someone tells me they have a friend who is vegetarian that eats white meat .....*strange conversation* 
8. If I am vegetarian for ethical and religious reasons, it is not ok to use a tiny bit of meat in the food. Seriously?! Would you offer or put some alcohol in your recovering alcoholic friends glass? Just one little tot? 
9. Don't try tempt a vegetarian to have a bit of meat. Stop convincing me of how delicious it is. I used to eat meat so I know what it tastes like. Really, as if I have a taste of your food and I will stumble back into meat eating. Please just stop telling me how nice it is. 
10. When I get sick - don't tell me it's because I don't eat properly and I am losing out on essential vitamins and protein found in meat and especially iron found in liver. You eat so well and you get just as sick or worse. So please just stop it! 
11. Don't tell me my food looks yuk and pull funny faces. Just because it is so common and so acceptable to eat beef it does not mean that it is not a gross site for another person and I don't go around pulling faces at other tables in restaurants. Some of you eat some really gross stuff but it's your food so behave when I'm eating mine.
12. When at a function go to your corner and binge on the sausage rolls, chicken wings and calamari rings. Stay away from the tiny vegetarian table with the carrot sticks and two pieces of margherita pizza, it's for us vegetarians. Ok?! It is really rude when you fill your plate with meat and still want our food leaving us to nibble on the parsley intended for decorations.
13. "I can't invite you over I don't know what to cook for vegetarians" phone perfect pizza they deliver or once again ... use google - http://quickvegetarianrecipes.com/ 
14. Finally, be nice to vegetarians, we care about our health and the state of the earth, we even care about wolves and meat eaters. 

That's all for today, don't know how I landed with 14 rules, it was not planned but these seem the most important. 
I'm going to eat a carrot stick now :)