Saturday, 30 July 2011

Eight weeks later and...

What was supposed to be my last visit to the doctor on week eight - turns out I have to go back in three weeks time again. 
Doctors words, “there are still one or two stubborn internal stitches that have not dissolved”.  So for just one or two he is not going to freeze burn them and says hopefully they will be gone by the next visit.
Everything is healing beautifully and I’m feeling a lot better almost like my old self.  Almost.

I never thought this would be so difficult.  Spoke with a few ladies who have been through this, two of them did it so recently that everything is still very fresh in their memories.  I read a bit on the internet about the op and youtube even has videos of the procedure.  Scary!  Don’t watch it.  I did, but that’s because I’m half crazy.

Anyway I thought I was prepared for the big life changing event but when I woke up from that anaesthetic the shock of just how serious this was hit me really hard.  And then I realized that I did not know enough and did not do enough ‘pre op’ research.

The pain is like nothing I have ever felt before I’d rather give birth to another child than have this pain.  It is terrible not just on the cut, it’s the whole tummy area externally and internally and on your lower back.  Sure you can take pain killers.  But the tablets just numb the pain and the injections ? well they don’t go home with you, they are just there with you in the hospital so you don’t bug the nurses too much. 
Once you go home you realise you can’t walk, sit, bath or get in and out of bed alone. All those movements need special choreography.   You can’t bend and forget about your feet, touching them is almost impossible or painful whichever you prefer.
Something simple like crossing your legs is out of the question even that hurts.

The hysterectomy affects your tummy works like crazy, for more than six weeks everything revolves around what you eat and in what order and how often.  It’s just awful.  Sleeping takes some time to get back to normal too.  So many nights I lay awake not in pain I just could not sleep, and no I was not napping the whole day or afternoon.  Must be the anaesthetic that just mixes things up.  Even my art has been affected by it, creativity has been missing for some time, hope it comes back soon.

Then it’s the emotional thing.  It’s there.  It’s invisible to others but not to me, I can feel it. I know I don’t have it and it affected me roundabout week two.  I just felt like crying, the whole time. And I did cry!   It’s sad that women feel this way but take something away like the womb and you can’t help but feel that you are no longer a women.
It’s not just boobies, lip-gloss and long hair that make us feminine.

Now I am looking forward to my one year anniversary according to the reading I have done and what the doctor says that is when the body is 100% healed from the traumatic experience.  I am also looking forward to my next birthday cake.  You know my aunt bakes and decorates cakes and every year without fail we all get a cake for our birthdays.   On Sunday the 29th of May we got together for a family lunch and she had a cake for me, just two days before my birthday and four days before the op this is what she came up with...

She has a good sense of humour that’s for sure.  (By the way the cake idea came from one of the many research days I had.  Showed it to Ness and she placed an order)  

I loved my cake!  Maybe next year I will have just one candle in the big number 1 shape. 

Love to you

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Last few hours...

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it." Mary Wilson Little

That was life for the past six weeks and I have reached my last few hours of ‘rest’ just as I started enjoying myself and doing nothing.  Back to work on Monday!  *sigh*
Doctor gave the go-ahead for everything including driving.  Yeah that's a plus for me.
Still a little sore and sensitive around the tummy but definitely feeling better.

Oh these last weeks were not all such a failure, managed to read four books and I'm on number five already.  Watched a million movies some really good ones. 
Started my fabric painting, a table cloth that has been in the cupboards for years.  All I have done is one corner, but it’s a start. 
Of all the canvas I had prepared I only worked on one.  Will have to concentrate harder from now on because as usual I have a million little projects to do before the end of the year. 
And then there’s the blog that also happened somewhere in the six weeks.  Not bad at all ! 

And today I spent the afternoon spoiling the boys with homemade cookies.  Made my famous ‘surprise cookies’ and a batch of ‘fudge biscuits’ these will not see the end of the weekend.  And there was still time for another family favorite that will last about a week – my granola. 

I can share one recipe today and I know you don’t have this one, it’s so easy, it’s child’s play and of course it’s yummy - The Surprise Cookies  

1 cup margarine, ½ cup sugar, 2 cups flour, 1 tea spoon vanilla essence, pinch of salt, slab of plain cadbury’s chocolate cut into small pieces, castor sugar for dusting

Beat sugar and margarine until creamy, add flour and remaining ingredients.  Make little balls and put one small piece of chocolate in the centre.  Roll in castor sugar.  Bake until golden. 

Enjoy  :)


Wednesday, 13 July 2011

July 1993

What happened in July 1993?

An earthquake hit Hokkaido, Japan. 
Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical ‘Sunset Promenade’ opens in London.
Jurassic park was released and it would be a movie my kids would watch some years later.   
It was in July 1993 that the date for South Africa’s first non-racial democratic elections was announced (27 April 1994). 
Marcio was born.

On Monday, 12 July 1993 - I was on my way to Mary Mount Maternity.  That was the day my first son Moo was born. 

Minutes after being born
I know all moms think their babies are beautiful, but mine was absolutely gorgeous!

Moo is 18 years old today!
He’s got his learners and is taking driving lessons.  He is in matric and applications for universities are being filled along with bursary applications *keeping fingers crossed*.

I can’t believe how fast 18 years have flown, you come home with your first baby and bundle of joy and there are a million milestones ahead...sitting up, the first tooth, the first steps and the first real words.  The first day of school!  
his temper tantrums are still similar to this one 

And then somewhere in-between it all stops and things just happen with no big fuss.
It’s like time stops for a while although they are growing up and you are most certainly getting older. Life happens all around you and things go un noticed for a while.  Then it hits you like a bomb!  

Those milestones are back.  Your son is in high school and before you know it he is in his last year of school and ready to enter the world of ‘young adult’.  
That’s where we are at the moment.  Of course I’m not ready for it.  My heart is sore at the thought that he might go and study in Cape Town only about one thousand kilometres away.    
I am scared of the day he takes the car out on his own.  And let’s not talk about girls.  My heart is in my throat and there’s a knot in my tummy thinking about that first day at varsity on his own. 

Yuks that’s when you realise just how old you have become, when your children are young adults. 

This is my boy –
Hardworking, shy, giant, quiet, determined, motivated, dreamer, soft spoken, stubborn, cheeky, loving, sensitive, handsome, emotional, sense of humour, religious, genius ....
He’s the apple of my eye and my Moo. I wish he was still a little boy.  I love him. 

He is still my baby
lots and lots o' love from mom

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Happy, Sad and Scared all at once

So today I had my 5 week check up.  What a mixture of emotions and feelings.  Doctor is happy with everything and gave me the go ahead for our short break in Ballito, but and this is a big BUT...the internal stitches are not dissolving as they should. 
By week 5 they should all be gone.  Seems like mine want to stick around for a little longer.
So if they don’t dissolve on their own next week Wednesday he will “freeze dry” them.  Sounds so interesting doesn’t it? 

Sounds bloody scary, have been reading how women can feel their stitches inside :(  Grrr the thought alone makes me cringe with pain. So anyway he will use this nitrate to freeze and remove all of them.  Why can’t my body just dissolve them like other normal people? This is going to slow down the healing process by another week or so although I am still going back to work on the 18th !!!

Anyway enough of the horrible gory stuff tomorrow we leave at 04h30 for Ballito the plan is to have breakfast in one of those nice stops (can’t remember the name).

Let’s see how the driving is going to affect me.  We are all cramming into the 4X4 and I know most of them are big but ours is just not normal and it has no leg space.  Moo’s legs don’t fit at the back so he always sits in front and he will probably be driving.  Tigs will be grumpy most of the way.  And mom (wombat) will sit with her hand in my ass....that hand on the side of the other passenger that just touches your back leg/bum enough to irritate you?!  There, right there is where she’ll have her hand.

Please help me, please pray that it’s a short trip and that I snore all the way.  Oh yes the grizzly bear will have the aircon heater on full blast and that will give me an instant headache, sore throat and I will come back front the anticipated trip with flu!!

Enough said, going to bed, hopefully I can sleep tonight.  Last night I was staring at the ceiling fan until 03h00am – no I have not been napping all afternoon, she won’t let me!!

cheers xoxo